Supporter Guide

How do you help someone advocate without taking over? By helping them say it, not saying it for them.

If you are a family member, friend, support worker or advocate, you probably care a lot, and you probably know the system well. That makes it easy to step in. The skill is knowing when to step back.

Ask before you help

Start with: “What would be most useful?” Some people want you in the room. Some want help preparing. Some want you on the phone. Some want you nearby and quiet. Let them choose, and check again each time.

Let them lead

• Use their words, not yours.
• Ask what they want to happen, and write it down.
• Offer options, rather than telling them what you would do.
• Let them make choices you would not make.

Prepare together

Before an important meeting, use the one page meeting plan. It helps the person decide what they want, what they will say and what they will ask. Practise out loud if they like.

In the room

Sit alongside, not in front. Let them speak first. If someone talks to you instead of them, gently turn it back: “That is a good question for [name].” If the person asks you to speak, speak for them, and say clearly that you are speaking on their behalf.

If they need a moment, ask for a break. That is support, not interference.

Afterwards

• Check how they are feeling before you talk about the details.
• Ask what they heard, in their own words.
• Write down what was agreed. A simple log helps, and there is one in Documenting and Tracking Advocacy Efforts.
• Agree who does what next.

Respect privacy and consent

It is their information. Ask before you share it, keep notes somewhere safe and only share what is needed. Pay attention to how they like to communicate, whether that is speaking, writing, pictures, a device or something else, and use their way. There is more in Communication Tools and Strategies.

When you disagree

You might think a different choice is better. It is fine to share your view once, kindly. Then respect theirs, as long as they are safe. Supporting someone does not mean agreeing with every decision.

Look after yourself

Supporting someone can be tiring and sometimes frustrating. Take breaks, ask for help and find your own people to talk to. Being worn out will not help either of you.

The bit that matters most

Your role is to make sure their voice is heard, not to replace it. The best sign you have done this well is when they say, “That was me.”

You can read more in Self Advocacy Is Not Doing Everything Yourself.